Happy Easter! Due to the bank holidays and a slight chocolate coma, this week's blog is arriving on a Wednesday instead of our usual Monday - shaking things up a bit. This week, I'd like to delve into the breakdown of relationships, particularly in the context of the workplace.
As someone in my mid-40s, I've observed a notable increase in friends and colleagues experiencing divorces or the end of long-term relationships over the past few years. It's a phase, typically occurring between the ages of 40 and 50, where relationships undergo strain and often reach their breaking point. Individuals begin to reassess their priorities as children grow older, allowing more space for introspection into personal needs and desires. Simultaneously, personal growth prompts individuals to reevaluate what they are willing to endure, leading some to exit abusive relationships.
From both my clinical practice and personal observations, what stands out is that the decision to terminate a relationship is rarely impulsive. It's a process marked by months or even years of contemplation, late-night reflections, and weighing the impact on oneself, family, and wider network. It's a challenging decision, often accompanied by temporary distress and upheaval in one's life.
Therefore, when a colleague confides in you about their impending divorce or the end of a long-term relationship, it's crucial to understand the gravity of what they're sharing. Behind their disclosure lies a journey of internal struggle and difficult choices. It's not a decision taken lightly, nor one made without extensive consideration of the consequences.
In such moments, it's important to respond with kindness and empathy. Avoid expressions of shock or disbelief, as these reactions may inadvertently invalidate their experiences. Instead, offer support and understanding. Ask if they need anything, and if you're in a managerial position, consider making reasonable accommodations to ease their transition.
Recognise that they may be navigating a tumultuous legal battle or dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Refrain from making assumptions about their former partner or the dynamics of their relationship. What may appear idyllic on the surface could conceal a darker reality of domestic violence or coercive control.
Ultimately, the key is to be a supportive presence during this challenging time. Your empathy and willingness to offer assistance can make a significant difference as they navigate the complexities of rebuilding their life post-relationship breakdown.
